just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
