Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
