Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
