can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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