Jerry, you need to find god
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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