I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The power of my boobs compel you
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
