Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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