like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
