We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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