I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Can I color on your dick again?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
