Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
