You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
