apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
