I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
