i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
