Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
