dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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