hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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