i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was born a porn star she said
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
