some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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