looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I stole a fireplace last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I love you.
Bad choice
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
