where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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