so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
