I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
