It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I can feel your judgement through the phone
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
