it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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