He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
