I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
