I want to have your abortion
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
