I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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