alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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