I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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