Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
