I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
