she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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