My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
