I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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