party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
