so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
