How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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