I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
