you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i came on her dog
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
