how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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