We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
