And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can I color on your dick again?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
