Redeem this text for a blowjob
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
She's the barista slut.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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