I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
