Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
