Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
