If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
