The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
