Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
