Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
