Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Randomize
