This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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