Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
