Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Oh god it's open bar.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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