you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Randomize
