pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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