dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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